I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
