my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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