And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
