I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
