It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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