it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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