Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
