I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
