she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is wine microwaveable?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
