he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize