i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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