You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
