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my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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