I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
