Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
