strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
