her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
