it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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