i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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