So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
