How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize