my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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