ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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