You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize