I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
