I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
