I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
