you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
