I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize