I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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