i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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