Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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