what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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