I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
