She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
