Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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