Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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