Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
