just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
