Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
