Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
