there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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