my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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