I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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