i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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