It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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