i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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