Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
