Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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