Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
