so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
