I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
