So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
