Having a random hookup so left but love u
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
