Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
