Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
