Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
