WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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