Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
