its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
