I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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