turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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