a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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