Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
