Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
