If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
