I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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